We Find Ourselves within a War

by Frank Henning
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The distinction between us and them seems to be a common phenomenon in the interaction between human beings. What is responsible for that? One of the assignments of the consciousness is to draw distinctions; the more cultivated parts of our perception are able to notice fine differences. Selection, differentiation, preference – that’s what culture is about.
For these capabilities we need a certain amount of awareness. On the other side, the task of the sub-consciousness is to hold opposites, to give us access to complementary realities of life.

As Niels Bohr says:
'There are two different types of truth. On the shallow plane of cognition,
the opposite of truth is: lie. On a deeper level, the opposite of truth is true as well.'

When deeper brain areas, more archaic and less cultivated, interfere with making distinctions, and dominate the estimation of perceptions, differentiation will turn into polarisation. During war, this is very useful; here we have to decide quickly: friend or foe? Is my life endangered? This instant recognition is controlled by the brainstem, which has the task to ensure the biological surviving of the individual. If it smells danger, it makes the body freeze, to prepare for fight or flight.

The diencephalon, regulates the emotional reactions of the organism, and is responsible for the immediate estimation of the social relation, the rank and order we are in. It controls action, when the point of issue is about sympathy and antipathy, about delimitation and belonging. It controls behavioural patterns of social hierarchy as subordination, status, insecurity, shyness, appeasement, show off, provocation and so on. The more our unconsciousness is alerted by a danger, the more these two brain areas dominate our behaviour – not necessary that we know about that. The result is, that instincts and reflexes control our behaviour more than consciousness does, and we react more likely with fight, defence or flight.

The conscious thinking burdens the task to justify our behaviour as wise, reasonable and rational – originally, rational means divided. Besides, thinking tries to control emotions, e.g. to defeat anxiety, to hide fear, or to suppress anger. Finer functions of the brain get lost, because there is no more consciousness available, when it is occupied with explanations and argumentation.

If these different brain areas do not agree on the rating of a perception - what part will prevail? Mainly we believe that the thinking as the highest brain function must have the power to decide what we do. We tend to identify with our thinking. Sorry, but this is an error, a fateful wrong-estimation of the hierarchy of brain areas. If different brain areas receive different messages, a conflict of brain areas will result, and as a consequence of that we experience distress, confusion or paralysis. The Autonomic Nervous System has larger influence on our state than our thinking has.When we are in a certain situation, our nervous system is able to react on a completely different situation. During an exam for instance, our knowledge is challenged. Some people however, react as if they were hanging on a thread above a ravine.

When this kind of situation happens to us on many occasions, but we refuse to do anything to dissolve this double bind, i.e. we continue to act within two different films at the same time, then psychosomatic symptoms will likely develop, maybe right now, maybe in 20 years. If for instance a child is afraid of going into school, the parents might say: "Don´t be silly! You don´t have to be afraid! Nobody will do you any harm." The child could think, that his emotions were wrong. It might try to influence or change his feelings by will-power, with logical arguments or suggestions, by repeating text or internal dialogue as "I Must have no fear!", because it is ashamed for his fear. If this will not work, maybe it gets pain in his stomach or head.

If a symptom is a kind of a message, the question is not: what does it mean? But, who is the addressee of that message? Asthma e.g., is a childlike way to ask for attention. To whom in the system "family" the symptom "asthma" is addressed? In the case of asthmatic children, the case is pretty clear: to the parents. A symptom is a trial to manipulate others. This process is unconscious; the consciousness will become indignant at the reproach of manipulation, not without reason.If an adult has a psychosomatic symptom: who is the addressee? Who is responsible for the system? Is the addressee outside of the adult individual or inside? If inside: what is the instance that represents the human being as a whole?

For groups the question would read this way: What is the larger system? What means "us"?

Is there a "we", is there an "us" which is that comprehensive, that everybody can feel belonging to?

This reminds me of a story, that an astronaut told after surrounding the earth in the space capsule MIR for some weeks, together with some colleagues from different nations:

On the first day each of us pointed at the country where he was from, on the second day at his continent. From the third day on, we all just saw the earth, our wonderful earth which we all shared – our home planet….

As we are not astronauts, we can try an answer on this question on different levels. What do we share? What do we have in common, that draws us together?

1. politicians are trying to find an answer on that question for conflicting groups or even whole nations, who speak different languages. It is use to look for a solution in negotiations, while sitting either confronted or around a table. The result is usually a compromise - which often contains the seed of the next quarrel. The focus of the dispute is the relation of one group to the other.Politicians are acting as mediators, as diplomats and interpreters; the groups they represent were seen as homogenous. „Us" means here: All of us who live in this town, in this country, on this continent …. All of us freelancers, taxi drivers, bikers, unemployed, employers, trade-unionists ….Different groups have different interests, and therefore they tend to quarrel against each other. Symptoms of a conflict are: loss of contact, delimitation, discrimination, criminality, power, war ….

2. sociologists are chunking smaller; they try to find an answer within a defined group, for just this group. The relationship and conflicts within that group, so called group dynamics, are in the focus. Symptoms are for instance: Mobbing, ranking, rituals of demarcation, struggles for power, hostile silence, deadlock, and so on. The hostile parties speak the same language, they are sharing the same content, but nevertheless they misunderstand each other.

3. A therapist should mainly focus the individual person. Regarding how a person keeps company with himself/herself, you can see whether he/she is in internal war or not. Most people are, even when they are alone, and when there is no concrete or direct menace. Most people are in quarrel with themselves.

My starting point to cure that quarrel is the psychotherapy of self-relation; its focus is the relation between cognitive self and somatic self, between thinking and feeling, intellect and instinct, logic and intuition, and so on. If one identifies with just one of them, it will try to dominate the other one, to fight against it or to get rid of it.

These complementary pairs, how do they keep company with each other? Like siblings? Like a couple? Like a boss and his employee? Who gives the orders, and who has to carry them out? The soul speaks a different language than consciousness does. The one who determines the style of communication, has the power to dominate the whole system.

How do you keep track with your emotions, how do you treat your needs, your longing, your anxiety? Or your grudge, your anger? When you always yield to them, they will play you up like restive children. If you do not care for them, if you fight your feelings, neglect your needs, abandon your soul, this will lead you directly to psychosomatic symptoms. Finding a golden mean, a balance in alternating between these two polarities, is not a trivial problem. It requires full awareness.

My relevant experience in the treatment of allergies like hay fever taught me to see these symptoms as a sign of internal war. When our immune system learns to estimate e.g. birch pollen as enemies, as agents of "them", which it has to defeat, and if birch pollen are all around us, so that it has to feel encircled and attacked by foes – then we should not be astonished when our immune system becomes phobic one day. Following this idea, one might think that it could be an appropriate way to treat allergies with some kind of peace-negotiations, and in fact, it is possible to cure allergies in that way.

What does it mean? What happens to us, inside? We can imagine the unconsciousness as a kind of plenary assembly, where one part (commonly the thinking) believes to be the boss, with the commitment to control all other parts – which struggle against that domination, more or less vehemently. Each internal part is a product of learning and experience of life. In this model, an internal part has the automatic control of complex behavioural patterns; one might be responsible for all behaviour concerning health, another one for success, one for safety, security, one for delight, enjoyment, sensuality, unfolding, one for getting in contact with others, and so on. Each one is in charge for a special need or want, and tries to perform it. Quite probably, there might be some interference with other parts. All these internal parts call themselves "me", but in different situations it is always a different one we identify with.

During a war, once again, it is essential for survival, to realise at once: is this guy one of us, or does he belong to them? This capability of quick polarisation increases the rate of survival considerably. It seems that many people would stick forever on that point of view: To separate the whole world into friend + foe, good + bad, us + them.

That means: We find ourselves in the middle of a war, even in times of peace. The martial intercourse with ourselves has become chronically. When I regard parts of myself as bad, as not-me, as alien elements, then I am obliged to fight them, to get rid of them. As a consequence, the immune system of my mind will turn against myself, and my body-mind will send out signs of war.

How do these signs of war look like? This reminds me of a story in close future:

An Extraterrestrial in a peaceful mission, wants to land on earth with his spaceship.

The Ground Control of his home planet gave him a last advice:

"Take care that you do not land in a country where they are just leading war; this would endanger your mission. The earth is a wonderful planet, but in many countries they make war. If you can see from above gunfire and explosions, do not get down. But, in many wars on earth they do not use weapons. If you recognise after your landing that one of these covered or stealthy wars is going on, restart immediately!

ET: How can I realise war when there is no gunfire?

Ground Control: You recognise war by the following behavioural patterns of human beings:

1. People are constantly fighting against their own time. So, they always look haunted or in a hurry. No matter where they are and what they do, they hardly realise or notice each other, they do not look left nor right, just like a messenger in a battle field, who dare not lose time, because he has to submit an important message in time. People observe each other distrustfully, as if they would always presume an ambush. People in war are looking permanently on their watch, and in some countries they ask: how goes the enemy? when the want to know the clock-time.

2. They are eating under pressure of time, like a soldier in a battle-pause does. They nourish differently. They scoop amounts of food into their bellies, to build up a kind of paunch for the starving times they expect. A cushion of fat is suited for defence against attacks from outside.
In a country that prepares for war, most people are fat.

3. It is smoked a lot. After the death-warrant, its use to smoke a last cigarette – the very last one, just before the execution. Even the worst felon or murderer has the concession to do that.
For all the non-criminals, smoking is a wide-spread ritual to centre oneself, to reunify with oneself, to declare peace and to celebrate it.

4. When nature is in its most beautiful state, in blossoming meadows, under flourishing trees, in the fragrance of fresh grass, they seem to suffer the most. It is called allergy: they cry, their eyes are red, they can hardly breathe sufficiently, they look and feel like victims just after a bomb attack, which have to breathe in poisoned dust.

5. They don´t have leisure, no time nor interest for beauty and art. They don´t spend money on that, neither. They adore just what is directly useful. All resources of time, money and attention that are available, they spent for surviving, not for living.

That´s the most important points. Take good care to get into a country where the human beings move adequate slowly, where they do not look on the clock all the time, where they take time for others, take time for meals, take time for love and for arts. Then you can be sure that you are in a peaceful land, an your mission can start. Good luck! Roger, and out."

What can we do to invite ET to land in our country? We cannot simply do as if we were living in peace; he is not deceivable, as we are. How can we show him that peace is in fact the case?

A good idea is to ask oneself: How do I keep company with myself? When we leave in peace with ourselves, this will lead to a fair individual and social intercourse, and this will give rise to peace in the world, with every move we make and every word we say we reduce archaic polarity responses. And maybe we sent out peace waves into space.

How can we discriminate real peace from hollow peace? Can we still distinguish between the sun and a sun lamp? What is the difference between an intact ecosystem, e.g. a water meadow or a rainforest, and a garden, which has to be permanently cultivated? What is the difference between a jungle and a zoo? Nature tends to reach equilibrium states. Human beings think to know enough how to balance complex systems, and try to do the same with themselves. People who succeed in doing this, we call well-balanced.

Others try to balance the system they are living in, or to adapt their environment to themselves, or to fit themselves into the system. If you do this, you will easily fall out of balance.

To keep track with your company, some of your inner parts will increase developing, mostly on the cost of others. One part cries louder than the others, and so he is fed more than them. One could, for instance, work that heavy on his career, that he ruins his health, and maybe his family with it.
Acting this way creates inner conflicts, which tie down awareness.

Many people are permanently occupied with survival strategies, they are in combat with various things, first of all with their time. Enemies everywhere, and they have to fight them all. As it is not easy to do this all alone, we are always looking for allies, for a group called us, on which we can count on. If you have a problem that you cannot solve on your own, it is better to find a group which has the same problem. It is not good to be alone with a problem.

But: Often enough we find ourselves in the wrong group. Which one is the correct one? And: Correct for what? For each problem a different group? When the allies change again and again, on whom or what you can rely on? In the next moment, in a different domain, your friend can be your foe or competitor. We have to be on our guard permanently. Mindful awareness turns into willingness to fight, sensitivity into tendency to take fright, frankness into refusal. Thereby the muscles become tensed, mainly the neck and the belly, the breathing stagnates or ceases, the diaphragm cramps, the bodymind gets lost, and the focal point of attention is in the head. The thinking is forced, and speeds up to avoid mistakes.

To find a group one can belong to, is a common method to reassure oneself. We all need to have a group which speaks our language, and shares our beliefs and values. It is a human need to feel relevant for somebody else. Gregory Bateson remarks what relevant means for human beings: to belong to the same history. Belonging is an antidote against the individual isolation in our society. We use to treat others like we treat ourselves: Not always fairly, not absolute honestly. Others are doing just the same. And so it happens sometimes, that we were disappointed, exploited by or dependent on others. If I do not believe that I am okay, then I have to rely on others to confirm this to me.

Before you are looking for any group or community to be a member, it is good to remember you to re-mind yourself. To reassure you, it is helpful to get in contact with yourself, to give and receive that message by yourself, on your own. How to do that? The main concern in the therapeutic work in my practice, is to help my clients doing this. The way I offer to cope with everyday hostility, is to reunify the individual person with itself, so that there is no need to build up concepts of the enemy one has to attack.

One of the common answers is this one: I don´t have time to take care for myself! Doing that, I could not accomplish my daily duties. There is only time for one of them, an I am obliged to work! I will take care for my peace of mind after the war, when I am 65.

My request: We should not wait that long. Otherwise, the war will never stop. It will not end before we start to keep good company with ourselves. The issue of human behaviour should not be: how to survive, but: how to create a world, to which the people want to belong. And I am sure that each of us should start with oneself instead of starting with trying to change them.

For that, we need activities or rituals that reconcile all our internal parts, for to reunify our mind with our body with our thinking. Such healing rituals are for instance listening to a poem, or reading or writing one; all kind of poetry, drawing a picture, singing, dancing or any other ritual of applied arts; taking a walk, jogging or swimming and some other activities can be helpful, if you do it with a sense of playfulness, not with too much ambition. In such activities the mask of the Ego can dissolve, and you are in contact with yourself. In these moments one feels connected, heart and head are speaking the same language, the thinking at the same speed as the breathing. This state you cannot fix, but you can come back to it, a 100 times a day. If you have not done so, start it right now.

See Alex Barton's response in 'Letters'

Frank Henning
Frank Henning, born in 1957, biophysicist. Educated in hospital physics and radiation protection, in Neurolinguistic Psychotherapy and hypnosis. Works as psychotherapist in the field of anxiety disorders, psychosomatic symptoms and immune system.